216 | You’re Not the Only One

Ever feel like you’re the only lawyer who’s dealing with money issues?

In my line of work, I talk with a lot of lawyers who aren’t doing as well as they’d like with their finances. I’m here to tell you, you’re not the only one.

In this episode, let’s talk about some of the common feelings and issues around money I’ve heard from the 100+ lawyers I’ve talked to over the years.

• • showing my clients in my group program the similarities in the way they’re feeling about their finances

  • believing we’re the only ones struggling
  • common money themes I’ve seen after talking with 100+ lawyers

  • learning the skill of managing your money

Email me to talk about becoming one of my private one-on-one clients: hello@rhothomas.com

You’re listening to Wealthyesq. We are a community of lawyers who believe that true wealth is having control of our time. I’m Rho Thomas, and as a busy wife, mom and former Biglaw associate, I know all too well the tension between the culture of the legal profession and pretty much everything else you want to do in life. That’s why each week, I’m bringing you the information and tools you need to improve your money mindset and manage your money to create true wealth. Because ultimately, it’s not about the money. It’s about the freedom and flexibility the money affords.

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I hope you’re doing well and having an amazing day so far. Today we are talking about some of the common feelings and issues that many lawyers have with respect to managing their finances. I just started a group program, and on our first call, one of the things I did was I went back through my notes from the consultations that I had with each of the group members and the initial assessments they completed to pull out the similarity in their responses. The point of me doing that was to help them see that they are all working on the same things and they have a lot of the same feelings about their finances, and they have a lot of the same goals. I think it was really powerful for them to see that, like I could see, kind of a sense of relief or something wash over them as they realize that the other members are dealing with the same things and that they’re not alone. And so I wanted to do this episode to share these things with you too, because I really realized that you’re not alone either. I think it’s easy for us to believe that we’re the only ones dealing with a particular issue or we’re the only ones struggling, but so many other lawyers are dealing with the same things, and we just don’t see it, because we all are putting our best foot forward, and we’re not sharing the things that we’re not sharing the things that we’re going through and the things we’re struggling with. And that makes it easy to think you’re the only struggling and that everybody around you just has it all together. But that truly is not the case. I have a unique perspective because of the work that I do where people are open and honest with me about the things that are going on in their financial lives because they want help. And so I get to see these common threads that run through all these stories. I get to see these common things that all these lawyers are struggling with. You are not alone. There are so many lawyers who are dealing with the same things that you’re dealing with, with their finances. I’ve talked with over 100 lawyers myself, and that’s just the ones who have reached out to me. I know there are many others who just have never reached out, and I think part of that may be this common belief that I’m the one struggling with this, because when you believe you’re the only one who’s struggling, it makes it that much harder to reach out for help. And when you’re keeping your struggle a secret and you’re hiding and you’re not reaching out, when you’re believing you’re the only one, is that much easier for shame to grow and fester, which then makes it that much harder to reach out for help. And it’s this whole cycle, but it doesn’t have to. Be that way. So I want to go through some of the common things that those 100 plus other lawyers have shared with me over the years, and go through them. I want you to think about whether they resonate with you, because the point is for you to see that you’re not the only person who’s dealing with whatever it is that you’re dealing with. Okay, diving in. I do a consultation with all my potential clients where we talk about what’s going on with their finances, what they’re struggling with, what their goals are, that thing. And I also do an initial assessment with all my clients, where I go through how they’re feeling about each area of their finances to get a baseline for our work to get against where they’re starting from. And I used to do that with potential clients as well, but I asked them on a scale of one to 10, how are you feeling about these different areas of your finances. So how are you feeling about your spending? How are you feeling about your debt? How are you feeling about your savings? So I have a lot of data on how lawyers are feeling about these things, and there are commonalities from lawyer to lawyer. Almost all the lawyers I’ve talked with have expressed negative feelings about their finances. There’s typically some level of shame about where they are financially. Many mentioned feeling embarrassed about where they are, or feeling afraid or anxious, stressed, overwhelmed. A lot of lawyers believe they shouldn’t be in the position that they’re in financially, like I’m so educated. How did I get here? Many say that they shouldn’t be spending the way that they’re saying. Some have said that they should have more control what they’re spending. A number of them say that they spend on impulse, or they spend emotionally. Often, their lawyers say they’re making good money, but they still feel like they’re living paycheck to paycheck. And a lot of people have gotten raises over the years, and they feel like it hasn’t helped, like they’re in the position where they still need more i There’s a lot of shame on debt, especially when it’s debt like credit cards or personal loans. And many lawyers feel hopeless about their debt. They don’t know what to do to get out of it. Some believe that their parents would be disappointed if they knew the state of their finances, because it’s not how they were raised. Others were never taught about money growing up, so they feel behind. Most of the lawyers I’ve talked with believe they don’t have enough in savings. Some don’t have anything saved at all. Some have some savings, but they feel like it’s not they feel like they’re living on the edge. They want more money on hand in case of an emergency. Many are stressed, and they talk about staying up at night because they feel not prepared for emergency expenses or unexpected expenses, and they feel like their finances are just out of control. So if any of that resonates with you, know that you’re not the only one. There are a lot of lawyers who feel the same way and who are dealing with the same things you the same questions that I ask my clients, like, how are you feeling about your spending? How are you feeling about your debt? How are you feeling about your savings? I’d be willing to bet that many of you have similar responses to the ones that my clients have had over the last four years. There are a lot of lawyers who are having a hard time with their money, who don’t know how to manage their finances better, who don’t know how to get things back on track, who don’t like their spending habits, who feel anxious or stressed or afraid or ashamed about their finances, change about having debt or embarrassed for where they are, for not having savings. Please know that there is nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing for you to feel ashamed of. There’s nothing for you to feel embarrassed about. There are just some specific skills that you haven’t learned yet. Managing your money is a skill, and it’s something that you absolutely can learn, especially given the fact that you had to go through so many years of school to become a lawyer in the first place, you had to learn way more complicated things to become a lawyer. Learning how to manage your money is a whole lot simpler than learning how to practice law. But the main thing is, I don’t want you to beat yourself up about where you are with your finances, or feel less than or feel like you’re somehow wrong or you’re the only one struggling, because at the end of the day, a lot of lawyers are dealing with the same things. You are not the only one, and if you stick with me, I will help you get on top of things. I have limited availability for private one on one clients right now, and I want you to be one of them. Email me at hello at rho thomas.com and let’s set up some time to talk. All right, so that is it for this week’s episode. Please subscribe to the show, leave a review. Both of those things help get the show in front of more lawyers so they can feel inspired, they can feel encouraged, and they can learn the tips I share to manage their money, too. I greatly appreciate your support. As we close out, friend. I pray that you take the information you learn here, apply it in your life, and open up to the realization that wealth is available to you as you do that consistently, week after week, you’ll continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth and live a life of freedom and choice, you deserve. Talk to you later.