153 | The Skill of Guilt-Free Spending

Feeling guilty when you spend money happens for two reasons: (1) you think you shouldn’t be spending the money, and (2) you didn’t plan to spend the money.

But spending money without guilt is a skill you can learn, just like any other money skill.

In this episode, we talk about the stigma around spending and how to develop the skill of spending money without guilt.

• the stigma around spending money
• why spending is the end-goal of budgeting and saving money
• the experience of not being able to spend on fun things
• why people feel guilty spending money
• spending as a skill
• how to learn to spend money
• making fun spending a part of your plan

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If you’re ready to learn the mindset and strategies to master your money, let’s schedule a call.

You’re listening to Wealthyesque. We are a community of lawyers who believe that true wealth is having control of our time. I’m Rho Thomas, and as a busy wife, mom, and former Biglaw associate, I know all too well the tension between the culture of the legal profession and pretty much everything else you want to do in life. That’s why each week, I’m bringing you the information and tools you need to improve your money mindset and manage your money to create true wealth. Because ultimately, it’s not about the money. It’s about the freedom and flexibility the money affords.

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I hope you’re doing well and having an amazing day so far. So today, we are talking about the skill of guilt free spending. spending almost has this stigma around it, like people say things like I spend too much or I know it’s bad that I like to spend money, and there’s all this shame and guilt around it. But what are we doing any of this for like managing our money better, and all that? What is that for? I’m not budgeting just for the sake of budgeting. Right? I’m budgeting so I can spend my money while still hitting my goals. People often look at budgeting as this restrictive thing like a diet or like a punishment for spending too much or something like that. But no, your budget is just your plan for how you’re going to spend your money. And beyond budgeting, even if we’re talking about saving and investing, I’m not saving and investing just to say I have that money, right just to say I have a set number in my account. I’m saving and investing to be able to spend that money later. Sometimes people save money, and then they feel like they can never touch it like this is one of the things that my client Tanisha. And I touched on briefly when she was on the podcast, she was talking about how she had built up the savings. But she was nervous to spend it even if she needed it. And a lot of that had to do with her money mindset and the way that she was thinking about the money in the savings. But that’s what savings is for. Right. It’s not just to sit there in your account, it’s for you to spend it at a later date. No one wants to live life not being able to spend money on things they enjoy feeling guilty every time they want to buy a shirt or go out to dinner or go to a concert or whatever. feeling like they’re doing something wrong when they’re spending money. That’s not fun. The reason you feel guilty was spending money is because you think you shouldn’t be spending it, you think you should be using the money to pay off your debt instead, or you think you should be using the money to save instead. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Spending is not bad. It’s just one of the things we can do with our money. Just like any other thing we can do with our money, like paying off debt or saving or investing or giving to charity. Sometimes we spend money in the present. Sometimes we save the money so we can spend it in the future. But it all comes back to spending right spending is always a part of how we interact with our money. And so being good with money doesn’t only mean saving money or paying off debt or investing. We always think about those things in the context of being good with money. But that’s not all that it is. A big part of being good with money is learning how to spend your money to and learning how to spend your money goes back to something that we have talked about a lot we talk about all the time, which is your budget. People think that they can’t include fun things in their budget. Everyone wants to make this perfect budget based off what they think they should be doing with their money. But the perfect budget doesn’t exist. And what you think you should be doing isn’t necessarily what you should be doing. What would be a great budget for me is not necessarily a great budget for you. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to budgeting we have to create our budgets based on our own lifestyles, our own goals, the things that we want to spend on the things that we need the things that we want. And when you try to create this one size fits all situation, then you’re not going to be able to stick to it. People create these unrealistic budgets, these idealistic budgets based off what they think they should do, and then they inevitably don’t follow it. And then you just beat yourself up for not following it and you feel guilty when you spend on something that wasn’t included in the budget. And you only didn’t include it because you think that you shouldn’t have included it right. You think that the perfect budget, the right budget doesn’t include those kinds of things. But all of that is just some mistaken beliefs about what budgeting is when we can break down those beliefs and we can see the budget for what it is which is literally just a plan. for how you spend your money, what you’re going to spend on how you’re going to use your money in a particular time period. That plan can include the fun spending, it can include those things that you think you shouldn’t be spending on. The only rule that there is, quote, rule for budgeting is that you don’t spend more than you’re making. So if you’re bringing in, say, $5,000, in the month, you don’t want to be spending $6,000. That’s the only real parameter that there is the only rule that I would say there is in terms of budgeting, we just want to make sure that as you’re planning out how you’re going to use your money, you plan to use the amount of money that you actually bring in. And that plan can include fun spending. And when that fun spending is just part of the plan, then you stop feeling guilty about it. I spend on all kinds of things that are just fun, I go to dinner, I buy makeup, I buy clothes, I buy shoes, we go on vacations. And there’s no guilt associated with spending that money because we plan it. So here’s what you got to do. You need to create a plan that balances the goals you have, like paying off debt and saving, with the fun things that you just want to spend on. That way, you’ve got that money set aside, it’s in your budget, it’s there. So when it comes time to go shopping, or go out for drinks, or whatever it might be for you, you can spend that money guilt free. You already planned to spend it, you know your goals are taken care of. So you can spend that money on those kinds of things without worrying about it and without any guilt. That is the beauty of having your budget. And that’s how you build the skill of spending guilt free. So if you are tired of feeling bad about treating yourself feeling guilty, whenever you spend money, you should come work with me. I will help you create a balanced plan like the one that we’re talking about, that allows you to make progress on those goals, and still spend on fun things along the way without feeling guilty. So just head to rho thomas.com/call. schedule your consultation and we can get started. All right, that is it for this week’s episode. Come connect with me over on social media. You can find me on LinkedIn, rho, Thomas, and Instagram at I am rho Thomas. Subscribe to the show and leave a review both of which helped more people to find it. And please think of a friend or two who could use this information and share this episode with them. As we close out friend, I pray that you take the information you learn here, apply it in your life and open up to the realization that wealth is available to you. As you do that consistently week after week, you will continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve. Talk to you later.