4 Reasons Why You Feel Like You Have No Control of Your Life

We often fall into the trap of believing that we don’t have control of our lives. We feel that our lives are happening to us and that we’re powerless to change them.

Meanwhile, others are taking control of their lives, achieving amazing things, and living the lives they want. Learn how you can start to get some of the same results in this episode.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics we explore

• 4 reasons you may feel like you have no control in your life

• the power of taking personal responsibility for your circumstances

Resources mentioned

Lifestyle Freedom Starter Guide: https://www.rhothomas.com/start

Budget template:  https://www.rhothomas.com/budget

Patrice Washington: https://www.patricewashington.com

Wealthyesque, Episode 2: https://www.rhothomas.com/one-thing-keeping-you-stuck/

Connect with me

The Wealthyesque Community: https://www.rhothomas.com/community

Social media: @iamrhothomas on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter

Email: hello@rhothomas.com

Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend! Welcome back to another episode of Wealthyesque.

I am super excited to have you here with me, and I’m honored that you would take some time out of your busy schedule to spend with me.

So today I want to talk about taking control of your life.

We often go through life as if we don’t have control. As if we don’t have power or can’t control the way things are going in our lives.

And when it boils down to it, life is nothing but a series of choices. We made a series of decisions that have gotten us to the point that we’re at now.

We live the lives we believe we deserve. Many of us aren’t taking steps to get to a particular life because we don’t truly believe we deserve it. We are willing to settle because that feels comfortable.

But at every stage in your life you have a choice. You have control, and I want to talk about four things that are keeping you from believing that you have control in your life or four things that make you feel like you don’t have control.

We’ll talk about

• having a victim mentality
• worrying about what others think
• making excuses and
• not being intentional.

Victim mentality

So let’s jump right in with the victim mentality.

Often we look around at our lives and don’t like what we see and start looking for where we can place blame.

If my parents hadn’t gotten divorced, I wouldn’t be so bad at relationships.

If this partner weren’t so demanding, I wouldn’t be so stressed out and overworked.

I have to check my email on vacation; that’s just the nature of being a lawyer.

It’s someone else’s fault or some external factor that’s preventing us from living the lives we want to. This blame game gives us an out.

If everything is a result of some other person or some external factor and not a result of our own choices, our own decisions, our own actions, then we don’t have to take responsibility for our circumstances.

We won’t try to do anything different because we can’t change our parents or the economy or our boss or whatever.

The thing is, placing blame on other people and things takes your power away. If you instead believe that your current circumstances are a result of your own decisions and choices then that means you can make different decisions and choices that allow you to change your circumstances.

We’ve got to stop with the victim mentality and playing this blame game and putting the outcomes in our lives on other people. We are responsible for our own lives.

And that’s not to say that there aren’t things that people deal with that impact their lives. There are all kinds of things going on in our world, and people face all kinds of adversity. But there are people who have it worse than you who are still achieving their goals, and it’s all in how they choose to react to the things that happen in their lives.

Plenty of people who have achieved amazing things started with rough beginnings.

Look at Oprah. She was born into poverty, had a teen mom, and endured all kinds of childhood trauma.

Dwayne Johnson or “The Rock” experienced homelessness as a child, almost got to the NFL, and when that dream was shattered, found himself broken and depressed with $7 to his name.

Or Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, the man who made the brand into what it is today. He grew up in the projects in Brooklyn and had to sell his blood to help pay for college. His parents couldn’t even afford to attend his graduation ceremony.

These people could have easily given up and blamed their hardships for why they weren’t able to live the lives they wanted. But we know how their stories turned out.

You don’t have to be Oprah or The Rock or Howard Schultz. But their stories go to show that these beliefs that other people or external factors dictate the outcomes of our lives are just not true. If they were fact, then everybody who came from a broken home or grew up in the projects or [insert your adversity here] would be unable to achieve their goals.

Other people and external things might influence our lives to an extent, but we have the ultimate power and control of our own choices, decisions, and actions to get to the lives we want to live.

Worrying about what other people think

Switching gears, the next thing is worrying about what other people think. Just like when we blame other people for what’s happening in our lives, when we don’t take actions because of what other people might think, then we’re effectively giving those people control over our lives.

A lot of times people don’t take action because of fear. We talk a lot about the fear of failure in our society, but it’s not so much that people are afraid of failing, right?

If I told you that you could try something new, and no one would know whether you failed or not you would be much more apt to try that thing.

We’re afraid of the judgment that comes from failure. What if I try this thing and fail? What will my parents think? What will my colleagues say? My friends are going to laugh at me.

It’s not about the failure itself; it’s about what everyone else will think.

The issue with that, though, is when we are putting so much stock in what other people want and what other people think, we’re living our lives for these other people. If you’re always worried about what other people think, you’ll never be able to live the life you want to live. Life is too short for everyone else to dictate how you live yours.

People will always have an opinion. No matter what you do, someone’s not going to like it. You can’t change that, but what you can do is control your actions.

The other piece is we often think people are paying closer attention to us than they really are, especially people we don’t know like that. Most people aren’t sitting around watching your every move and waiting for you to fail. They have their own stuff to deal with.

In any event, you can’t live your life based on what other people might think. You have to make sure that you’re living the life that you want to live because if you don’t, you’ll get to the end of your life and have all of this regret for the things that you didn’t do.

If you live your life afraid to make moves because you don’t want others to disapprove of your decision, you will stay stuck in situations where you’re unhappy.

If a particular decision is in line with and moves you closer to the goals you have for your life, then you need not consider what other people think about it, aside from a decision that affects your immediate family. Of course, you want to have those types of conversations.

But just the worry that people will disapprove? Let that go.

Ultimately, don’t let other people’s thoughts and opinions and judgment about your decision be the reason that you don’t pursue it.

Making excuses

Okay, the next thing I want to talk about is making excuses.

We have all the excuses for why we can’t do the things that we claim we want to do. I don’t have enough time. It’s not the right time. It just doesn’t fit my life right now. I don’t have the money. I don’t know how to do it.

But the thing is if it’s something that you really want to do, you’ll figure out a way to do it, right? If this is truly something that you want in your life then you figure it out, and if it’s not, then you make an excuse.

So you’ve got to consider whether you’re just interested in the thing you claim you want, this life you claim you want, because it sounds good, or if you’re actually committed to getting there.

It’s cool to listen to podcasts about taking control of your life and living life on your terms and reading books on personal development and all of that, but if you’re not putting things into practice because you don’t have time or you don’t know how or whatever other excuse, then maybe it’s something that’s not really important to you.

Excuses keep us from taking action, and we’re basically saying, “I’m not willing to do what it takes to get this thing.” If you’re going to take control of your life, then you have to let the excuses go.

Excuses are not going to help you get closer to any goal that you have. If you claim you don’t have time, why don’t you look at where you’re spending your time now and see where you can cut? Is watching all the new releases on Netflix keeping you from doing what you really want in your life?

You don’t have the money to do what you want. Look at where your money is going. If you need a budget template, you can head to rhothomas.com/budget. But many of us are spending our money on things that we don’t really care about. That money could be redirected.

Don’t know how to do something? There’s this little thing called Google with all kinds of blogs and tutorials and videos and everything you can use to learn how to do just about anything.

Sometimes we like to dress our excuses up as faith.

“I’m waiting on God.”

“Oh, I haven’t done this thing yet because I’m just waiting on God to show me the way.”

“I prayed over the situation, and I’m waiting on God to show me the answer.”

Sure there are times that we need to be still and wait on the Lord, but a lot of times, we use that as an excuse not to move because we’re afraid.

You have to give God something to bless, and if you’re sitting around waiting on God and feel like he’s not answering you, consider whether he’s waiting on you to move first.

One of my favorite podcasters Patrice Washington always says, “God knows what you’re waiting on when he sees what you’re working on.”

You may not have the full vision of what you’re supposed to be doing, but you at least have an idea. A glimpse. A bread crumb. Start moving on that, and see where it leads you.

And sometimes, he’s already given you an answer, but maybe it didn’t come in the form you expected, so you ignored it.

This happened to me recently where I had been praying over a particular area, and as I’m praying I heard, “Didn’t so-and-so already give you advice on that?” The answer didn’t come in the way I expected, and so I had kind of overlooked it.

The point is don’t wait for confirmation over every little thing before you move. That’s not faith. That’s fear. That’s an excuse. Don’t use your faith as an excuse not to take action.

Making excuses keeps you from taking control of your life. When you find yourself in that position, you have to consider whether this life that you claim you want is actually the life that you want or if it’s something that you say you want because it sounds good.

Not being intentional

Okay, so the final thing that keeps us from feeling like we have control in our lives is not being intentional.

Living an intentional life means identifying what you want (i.e., your values, priorities, and goals), making a plan to achieve those things, and taking steps to get there by making decisions and choices and taking actions in line with those values, priorities and goals. And you can head back to episode 2 to hear more about the importance of starting with your values, priorities, and goals.

So many times we are drifting through life without a plan. We’re not being intentional. We just do whatever comes our way, or we make decisions and choices without anything to guide them.

When you don’t have any sort of intention in your life, there’s a lot of uncertainty. You don’t know where to go. You don’t know why you’re doing the things that you’re doing. You’re kind of wandering aimlessly, and then you look up and wonder how you got to where you are.

To reach any destination, we need to know where we’re going. Sure, we might eventually stumble upon it, but it’s a lot easier when we have a roadmap showing us where to go. Being intentional, creating a plan for the goals we have for our lives, gives us that roadmap and will allow us to have more control and to make better decisions.

Your plan will guide your decisions. You know the things that you should say no to. You know the things that you want to say yes to. You know how you can reach the goals that you have, and you know what choices will get you there.

Ultimately when we take control of our lives and take responsibility for the outcomes in our lives, then we live life on our terms, which is exactly what I want for you. Lifestyle freedom means living life on our own terms, whatever those terms may be.

It could be finding more balance in your current position. It could be going solo. It could be taking another job that pays a little less. It could be reducing your hours or going to a flex schedule. It could be leaving the law altogether.

But whatever it is, whatever your thing is, I want you to be able to do it and not feel stuck in your situation and not feel like you don’t have control. You have control and the power to change your circumstances.

Making the changes that I’ve talked about today won’t get you to the life you want overnight. It’s a process, but the point is just being on this path and moving toward this goal gives you options.

Let’s recap:

1. We live the lives we believe we deserve.

2. Blaming other people and external factors for our circumstances prevents us from taking responsibility for our lives. If we believe that our decisions are the cause of our circumstances, we can make different decisions and change our circumstances.

3. Plenty of people face adversity and push through it to achieve their goals. It’s all in how you respond to the things that happen in your life.

4. We aren’t afraid of failure. We’re afraid of what people will think if we fail. But if we’re always making moves based on what other people might think, we’ll never be able to live the lives we want.

5. Excuses keep us from taking action and say a lot about how committed we are to the things we say we want.

6. Being intentional gives us a roadmap for achieving our goals and and allows us to make better decisions.

7. Reaching the point that you’re living life on your own terms is a process, but just being on the road to that goal gives you options.

Okay that’s it for this episode. Join me over in our private Facebook community, The Wealthyesque Community, and let’s continue this conversation. How do you plan to take control of your life? Head to rhothomas.com/community, and let’s discuss.

If you got value from today’s episode, please share with a friend or two you think would also benefit from this message. If you share on social media, don’t forget to tag me @iamrhothomas on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

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As we close out, friend, I pray that you recognize the power you have in your own life.

I pray that you will shed the victim mentality, the worry about others’ opinions, the excuses, the lack of intentionality and make moves toward the life you want to live.

And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve.

Talk to you later.

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