The One Thing Keeping You Stuck

People often struggle to make progress in their lives, and lawyers are no exception. The issue, though, is we typically look at the wrong things to try to resolve our problems and get back on track.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics we Cover

• the one thing keeping you stuck
• why it’s important
• how to overcome it

Resources mentioned

Lifestyle Freedom Starter Guide: https://www.rhothomas.com/start

Connect with me

The Wealthyesque Community: https://www.rhothomas.com/community

Social media: @iamrhothomas on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter

Email: hello@rhothomas.com

LIGHTLY EDITED TRANSCRIPT

Hey friend! Welcome back to another episode of Wealthyesque.

Thank you for being here. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to spend with me.

Today I want to talk about the one thing keeping you stuck. It’s holding you back from achieving lifestyle freedom. From the control you want in your life. From managing your money better. From losing those last few pounds. From whatever it is you want to do.

For most people, when things aren’t going the way they want, when they’re not getting the results they thought they would, they start looking at the wrong things to try to get back on track. Most people look at the people and the things around them to place blame externally.

But if we don’t take responsibility for the things happening in our own lives, we will never be able to achieve the things we want.

The one thing keeping us stuck is our mindset.

Everything starts here. Mindset controls the things you believe are possible, your emotions, the actions you take, the way you experience life.

Until you get it right you’ll never see the change you’re looking for.

So we’re going to talk about it. We’re gonna look at
-what mindset is and why it’s important
-limiting beliefs and ways to overcome them
-steps you can take to cultivate a healthy mindset

So let’s jump in.

What is mindset?

Mindset is basically the collection of thoughts and beliefs that inform the way we see the world.

According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts each day.

The wild part is that of those tens of thousands of thoughts, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive, which means we keep repeating a bunch of those negative thoughts.

I once heard someone say a belief is just a thought you think over and over. If that’s true then we’re all walking around with a bunch of negative beliefs. And that can’t be good.

The brain is a powerful machine. It’s constantly processing and synthesizing information and develops mental shortcuts that allow us to act quickly and make efficient decisions. This is a good thing in many instances.

But this process can lead to negative outcomes, as well. One example is confirmation bias, which is our tendency to look for, pay attention to, and recall information that supports our beliefs and ignore information that goes against our beliefs.

There’s a framework that basically says our thoughts and beliefs drive our feelings which drive our actions which drive our outcomes which reinforce our beliefs.

So ultimately we have this view of how things are supposed to be based on our beliefs, and we look for evidence to back that up. Then when we find that evidence, it reinforces the belief and further ingrains it in our minds. That belief affects the way we feel which affects our actions, which affects our results, which then reinforce the belief

This is important because when it comes down to it, we are living the lives we believe we deserve. We are taking actions, making choices, setting goals for our lives based on what we believe is possible and what we believe we are worthy of.

If you believe you don’t deserve to be happy. That everything has to be hard. That you are not valuable or worthy of love. Those beliefs are going to manifest in your actions. The choices you make. The opportunities you go after. The people you allow into your life. The way you allow those people to treat you.

We’re really good at taking credit for all the good things that happen. “Yup I worked hard for that. I buckled down. I put in the work and I got the result.”

But then all the bad things are always someone else’s fault or there were extenuating circumstances or insert any other excuse we come up with to not take responsibility for our own decisions and actions and the role we played in getting to that result.

I know so and so is just a horrible person, and if she had just done xyz everything would be fine. That’s all well and good, but something in you attracted so and so into your life, friend. And so and so got close to you through a series of choices you made. That’s what I mean about taking responsibility for our role in these situations.

When you look at everything that has happened in your life, good, bad, or otherwise, the common denominator is you. So you have played a part in everything that has happened to you.

And that’s not to say there aren’t things that happen in life that are outside our control—hello coronavirus.

But ultimately when you change your mindset, you change what’s possible for yourself. A whole new world of opportunities opens up to you just because you now believe those things are possible and so you’ll attempt to go after them.

We act in accordance with what we believe to be true. I think about that show Sister, Sister. Do you remember that show?

I used to love that show. If you’re not familiar, first of all I don’t even know if we can be friends anymore, but to catch you up, it was about twin sisters, one of whom was super smart, while the other was more interested in fun and parties and didn’t do well in school.

In one of the episodes, the twins took the SAT, and their results got mixed up so the smarter twin thought she got a lower score and the other thought she got a really high score.

After getting the high score, all of a sudden her attitude toward school changed. She was studying more and getting good grades and all that. Clearly she was capable of doing that before but the high SAT score made her believe she could do it.

It’s like the Henry Ford quote, “If you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right.”

Turning now to limiting beliefs these are beliefs that inhibit you from making different choices in your life. They place imaginary limitations on you. We can also talk about negative thoughts generally here because they tend to have the same effect.

Think about one thing you believe you can’t do because of whatever reason you’ve rationalized to yourself but isn’t objectively true. Cause we all know lawyers are good for rationalizing some stuff and making it sound good.

So you’re thinking something like “I can’t do x because y.” Whatever your stuff is.

Now I want you to picture yourself 5 years from now. You kept believing that you can’t do this thing you really want to do, and nothing has changed.

What does your life look like? Really picture it. Five more years of the same thing you’re experiencing now. What do your relationships look like? What have you missed out on in the last five years? How does that feel?

Now let’s look at what happens if you change your belief. So you decide “I can do x.” And you do it. Picture yourself again 5 years from now after changing that belief. What does life look like? What are your relationships like now? What have you accomplished? Who have you met? How does that feel?

It’s a simple mindset shift, but it has the power to change the entire trajectory of your life.

So there are a few ways you can combat limiting beliefs and other negative thoughts:

1. Challenge their truth
We have all kinds of negative thoughts and limiting beliefs that have no basis in truth and we will concoct entire narratives and get all worked up over these things we literally made up. Take a beat and think about whether your belief or thought is objectively true. Can I prove this? Have I seen this happen before?

2. Document evidence of your strengths
I’m in a group business coaching program, and our coach had us create what she calls a brag binder. It’s basically a collection of all the things that show that we’re bomb.

So awards and accolades, other achievements or recognitions, degrees we hold, promotions we’ve received, our positive traits, things we do well or effortlessly. All that kind of stuff. It has been extremely helpful for me.

If we have negative thoughts, and we know that because of confirmation bias our default is to look for evidence to support those thoughts, taking time out to intentionally search for and collect evidence of your positive attributes gives you something concrete you can rely on to rebut those negative thoughts.

You forget all the things you’ve done over the years, but seeing everything in one place is like “wow I’m poppin.” Highly recommend.

3. Practice affirming more positive beliefs
I heard an interview with James Clear who wrote the book Atomic Habits, and he was talking about how your beliefs become your habits, so you can change your habits by changing your beliefs.

He gave the example of two people who decided to quit smoking. They’re both offered a cigarette during the process of trying to break this habit. One says “no thanks I’m trying to quit.” The other says “no thanks I’m not a smoker.”

How powerful is that? The second person is much more likely to act in accordance with that statement because it’s a new belief about his or her identity.

If you want to go a bit further, my free lifestyle freedom starter guide includes a worksheet for you to explore your own limiting beliefs. If you haven’t already, head over to rhothomas.com/start to get yours.

Okay now let’s look at the 4 things we can do to cultivate a healthy mindset.

1. You need clarity. Clarity on your values, clarity on your priorities, and clarity on goals.

Until you have clarity on what you really want and what’s important to you, you can’t make decisions that lead to the life you want because you don’t really know what that life is yet. So I consider this to be the most important step, and it’s key in achieving lifestyle freedom

2. You need mindfulness, which is the ability to separate yourself from your thoughts.

When you’re able to separate yourself from your thoughts you recognize when you’re overthinking or exaggerating things. You’re able to identify limiting beliefs for what they are. You control your emotions better. So many benefits to being mindful.

One of the most popular mindfulness techniques is meditation.

If you’re not familiar with meditation you might have this idea that it’s super woo woo and you have to be completely still and clear your mind and sit criss-cross applesauce. And well because you’re not 3, you sit with your legs crossed and put your fingers on your knees.

Like I’m trying to describe the typical meditation position. If you have an iPhone, and you put meditation in text the little emoji that comes up that’s the position I’m trying to describe.

But anyway I went down that whole rabbit hole to say “it’s not that.”

Mindfulness or meditation rather is simply bringing awareness to your thoughts and feelings and the physical sensations in your body.

I really enjoy guided meditation and specifically the guided meditations on the Calm app. I like the Daily Calm series that they put out. It’s just these short 10-minute guided meditations that come out every single day and I can do it pretty quickly in the morning. I don’t meditate every day, but I do meditate pretty regularly.

One of my favorite ways to be mindful every day though is spending quiet time in prayer, studying my bible, and journaling.

There’s no one right way to practice mindfulness. It’s just about inner reflection and self-awareness and just being more in tune with yourself.

3. You need action. Once you clarify your priorities, goals, and values you need to take take actions that align with them and make decisions that align with them.

You may also have some limiting beliefs standing in your way, so as you become aware of those through your brand new mindfulness practice, then you want to take intentional steps to reframe them, and any other negative thoughts that come up.

Something like a gratitude practice or affirmations like we talked about earlier with affirming a positive belief to take their place would be helpful because it forces you to focus on more positive things.

The last thing is you gotta give yourself grace. This is a process, so you can’t beat yourself up if your mindset doesn’t change overnight. That’s not gonna happen.

It took decades to get to this point, so it will take some time to turn things around. You’ve been thinking negative thoughts and not even maybe realizing but you’ve been thinking these thoughts and having these beliefs and all of that for a long time.

It will take you some time maybe even to identify them as limiting beliefs or negative thoughts and it will take you some time to get in the habit of affirming the opposite so that you can change that belief.

But one thing I do know is if you do the work, you will make progress. It’s not gonna happen overnight, but it will happen.

So let’s recap:

1. Mindset is the collection of thoughts and beliefs that frame the way we see the world. It’s hugely important because our thoughts and beliefs drive our feelings which drive our actions which drive the results we see in our lives and the things that we believe are possible.

2. Limiting beliefs are imaginary limitations we place on ourselves that aren’t based in anything objectively true. They prevent us from doing things we want to do because of some perceived consequence or negative outcome. Negative thoughts generally tend to have the same effect. Some ways to overcome limiting beliefs and negative thoughts are (1) to challenge their truth, (2) document evidence of your strengths, and (3) affirm more positive beliefs in their place.

3. The steps you can take to cultivate a healthy mindset: (1) get clear on your values, priorities, and goals; (2) practice mindfulness; (3) take action to combat your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs and to make decisions in line with your values, priorities, and goals; and (4) give yourself grace.

Okay that’s it for this episode. Join me over in our private Facebook community, The Wealthyesque Community. I would love to know your thoughts on the power of mindset work and if you’re comfortable sharing, one limiting belief you’re committed to changing.

If you got value from today’s episode, please subscribe to the show on whatever platform you’re listening on so you’ll be notified when I release new episodes, and I’d also love if you’d leave me a written review.

Sharing is caring so go ahead and share this episode with one or two friends you think could benefit from this message.

And if you want to connect on social media, I’m @iamrhothomas on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

As we close out friend, I pray that you get clarity on what truly matters to you in life.

I pray that you overcome your limiting beliefs to get out of your own way and go after whatever it is that you want.

And I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve.

Talk to you later.