034 | “I Work Hard. I Deserve It.”

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I work hard. I deserve it.”? If so, you’re not alone. It’s a common statement from lawyers and other professionals alike.

Let’s talk about two reasons we often say things like this, the effect it can have on our lives and money, and some tips for what to do instead.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics Discussed

• two reasons we say “I work hard. I deserve it.”
• the effect the “I work hard. I deserve it.” mentality can have on our lives and money
• tips for what to do instead

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Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend! Happy Friday!

Welcome back to Wealthyesque. I hope you had an amazing week and that you are gearing up for a great weekend.

I am super excited for our conversation today I want to talk about entitlement and comparison. I called the episode, “I Work Hard. I Deserve It.” because it’s something that I’ve heard a lot from lawyers and people in other professions, and I’m sure I’ve said it myself, honestly.

But the first thing I want to look at is what it means to “work hard.”

“I work hard” is not a fact. This is just a thought because it’s relative. It’s what we feel, our view of what we are doing.

Sure, lawyers are putting in long hours and advising clients and drafting motions and closing deals and clearing trademarks and all the things.

And so we think we work hard. I think I work hard. But someone in a different profession, maybe one that requires more physical labor, for example, or that requires even longer hours, you know, those people might think that lawyers have it pretty easy.

I just want you to notice that that the thought “I work hard” is not objectively quantifiable right. It’s not something that every single person would agree with.

And when we have that thought, it will set in motion a chain reaction that leads to particular results in our lives.

Different people may have different thoughts about whether lawyers are working hard or whatever but when we have the thought “I work hard,” it leads to certain feelings which lead to certain actions which lead to certain results in our lives.

The second thing is the thought “I work hard. I deserve it.” often comes from a place of either entitlement or comparison or maybe both.

So, on the entitlement side, we believe that we should have a particular standard of life, or particular things, lifestyle, whatever because of our profession.

That looks like “I’m a lawyer, so I should have X.”

“I’m a lawyer, so I should be able to do Y. These are just the things that lawyers do.”

And many of us fall into the trap of purchasing status symbols just to show that we’ve “made it.” And I mean it’s not just lawyers. The standard of living that Americans as a whole believe we deserve is on the rise.

Things that used to be luxuries, we now consider necessities. Back in the 80s, the average size of a house was 1600 square feet, and now it’s like 2600 or something like that.

And we used to have to manually roll down car windows, and now we would think that that’s just crazy Why would I ever manually roll down my car window?

Or even changing the thermostat manually, you know, now we’ve got the smart thermostats that will adjust throughout the day and things like that.

I also think about how we used to have to imagine what life was like for celebrities and other uber rich people, and now we can just turn on the TV or go on Instagram, and we see it right there.

Then, because it’s so accessible, because we get those peeks at their lives without any effort, because it feels like it’s right there in our faces, many of us then believe that we should have that life too.

Never mind that the celebrity or whoever makes 10 times or 100 times more than we do. And may have even been given those things for free by whatever company to promote. They got it for free so then we go and buy it.

Then, that kind of ties in with my next point about comparison. “I work hard. I deserve it.” often comes from this place of looking at what other people around us are doing and thinking that we need to do the same thing.

We should have this standard of life because our coworker does or our neighbor or friend, or whoever. We think if so-and-so can afford it, then so can I.

But here’s the thing. What if they can’t afford it? We have no idea how someone else is paying for the things they buy.

Maybe they saved up for it. Maybe they got a windfall. Maybe they’re drowning in debt, you know, living paycheck to paycheck.

We’ve talked before about how 78% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, including 25% of households that bring in $150,000 or more. And obviously that’s not to say that everyone you see with whatever nice thing is in debt and broke and all of that.

I’m not even saying that you shouldn’t buy the things that you want. I just want you to think before you compare someone else’s situation with your own and try to do the same things they do because you just don’t know their life.

A lot of people with a lot of nice things are one job loss away from everything crashing down right? A lot of people are buying a lot of things with payments, and as they rack up more and more payments then they need more and more money, which then leads to them being chained to their jobs, and that’s the exact opposite of lifestyle freedom.

There’s no flexibility when you need every dollar coming in. There’s no flexibility when you’re spending everything you make, and then some.

So, what do we do about this?

First thing is I want you to think about what you want and what’s actually important to you and spend on those things. A lot of us are spending a lot of money on things we don’t care about and never questioning it, and we learn that it’s just what we do from society.

And then we end up not being able to put our money toward things we actually do care about, or we are reliant on our income to the point that we can’t structure our lives around what matters to us or we end up being in a job that we don’t love because we can’t afford to do anything different.

There’s a quote from Paula Pant that I like. She says, “You can afford anything, but you can’t afford everything.”

So don’t try to buy everything. Buy what you actually value and use the other money or the rest of your money to go toward funding the life that you want.

The second thing is don’t spend all your money trying to look like you have money or trying to impress other people who probably don’t really care, honestly. Let’s just be real right?

That goes back to the entitlement piece we talked about earlier, of feeling like lawyers have to have certain things or have to have a certain lifestyle. And so you feel you have to have those things or that lifestyle, or you just feel like you have to show that you made it.

Another quote I love related to that is from Chris Hogan, and he said, “If you live fake rich now, you’ll retire real broke later.” Isn’t that so true?

We spend all of our money now trying to look rich, and then we’re not able to put that money toward actually building wealth and actually funding the lives that we want to live down the line or taking care of ourselves for retirement.

That’s not to say don’t buy nice things or don’t buy luxury things or whatever. I’m all for buying whatever things, if you actually want them and if buying them doesn’t take you off track with your financial goals.

But make sure you’re not buying things just because someone else has them or because someone else says that you should, or you think you’re supposed to have them because you’re a lawyer or whatever.

The final thing is to remember that stuff won’t make you happy. Some of us buy things because we’re trying to fill a void, or we’re trying to avoid some negative emotion that we don’t want to feel, and stuff won’t do it, no matter what the latest ad campaign says.

Companies are spending so much money to make us feel like we have to buy whatever they’re selling to be happy, but it’s not true. You might feel better in the short term, but once the newness wears off, you’ll be right back to where you were.

Learn to be happy where you are now. Contentment is such a powerful emotion.

Ultimately, my point in all of this is to be intentional with your spending and your life. Instead of buying all the things, let’s just buy the things that we truly value and use the rest of our money to build wealth, which ultimately leads to having control of our time.

And if you need help with any of this. You want to know where your money is going. You want to map out a plan for how to spend your money better to reach your goals. Go to rhothomas.com/coaching. Let’s schedule a call to talk about how coaching can help.

Okay, let’s recap.

1. “I work hard” is not a fact. It’s a thought that leads to specific results in our lives. Different people will view that statement differently as applied to lawyers.

2. The thought “I work hard. I deserve it.” often comes from a place of either entitlement or comparison or both.

3. Many lawyers feel entitled to a particular lifestyle simply because we’re lawyers. In fact, the expected standard of living for Americans in general has increased significantly over the years.

4. We can’t compare our lifestyle to someone else’s and make decisions from that place because we don’t have complete information about that other person.

5. A few things you can do to combat this mentality are (1) spend on things you actually value and that are important to you; (2) don’t spend all your money trying to look like you have money, or impress others; and (3) remember that stuff won’t make you happy.

Okay, so that’s it for this week’s episode. Join me over in our private Facebook community, The Wealthyesque Community, and let’s talk more about the “I work hard. I deserve it.” mentality. You can find us at rhothomas.com/community.

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Okay, friend, as we close out, I pray that you will be honest with yourself and consider whether you’re living with the “I work hard. I deserve it.” mentality.

I pray that you will think about how comparing your situation to others or feeling entitled to a particular lifestyle can lead to undesired results in your finances.

And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve.

Talk to you later.