173 | Dealing with Financial Stress from Loved Ones

Sometimes our loved ones think they know best about what we should be doing with our finances—and they have no problem making it known.

Although they mean well, their thoughts, tips, and advice can lead to feelings of stress.

In this episode, let’s talk about three things to do if you have loved ones who are stressing you about what you should be doing with your money.

• • a client whose mom is stressing her about her finances
  • building your confidence in what you’re doing with your money
  • the importance of setting boundaries with loved ones
  • surrounding yourself with supportive people instead

You’re listening to Wealthyesque. We are a community of lawyers who believe that true wealth is having control of our time. I’m Rho Thomas, and as a busy wife, mom, and former Biglaw associate, I know all too well the tension between the culture of the legal profession and pretty much everything else you want to do in life. That’s why each week, I’m bringing you the information and tools you need to improve your money mindset and manage your money to create true wealth. Because ultimately, it’s not about the money. It’s about the freedom and flexibility the money affords.

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I hope you’re doing well and having an amazing day so far. Today we are talking about dealing with stress from family members or other loved ones about what you’re doing with your finances. I got the idea for this topic from a question that someone in my membership asked and I thought it was a topic that will be helpful for a lot of people. In this member’s case her mom has been asking questions about her finances and telling her that she needs to have XYZ and savings and that kind of thing. And the member is feeling stressed out about it. So here’s the thing, our parents, our loved ones, our friends, they all mean well, they want the best for us. They want us to be in a good place, financially, all that good stuff. So they’re trying to help but sometimes that well meaning advice has the opposite effect and it doesn’t feel helpful. So if you’re dealing with the same kind of thing where your parents or your sibling or your friend or another loved one is stressing you about what you should be doing with your finances. I want to share what I told this member. Number one, you have to build your confidence in what you’re doing. You need to know what your plan is. You need to feel confident in what your plan is. And you need to feel so sure in what you’re doing that what other people think about what you’re doing is irrelevant to give a little color to this slightly different scenario. But when my husband and I were starting to work on our finances, one thing that some people would ask about was when we’re going to get a new car. So we were still driving the same cars that we had in law school and med school, and I actually still drive the same car that I had in law school, but you know, like people thought we shouldn’t get a new car or even update other things or buy other things. People are always going to have thoughts on what you should be doing. And if you’re unsure about what you’re doing, you start second guessing like maybe they are right, maybe I should be doing a, b and c. So build up your confidence in what you’re doing and feel so solid in your plan that you don’t care about what other people think, for my husband. I mean, yeah, we were actually in a position where we could have gotten new cars and ultimately we did end up getting a new car, but we did it on our timeline because we had a plan. We could have gotten another house or whatever else people were saying we should get at the time. I don’t recall but we didn’t do those things. We knew what we were doing with our finances and what we were trying to accomplish and the steps they were going to get us there and doing what other people said we should do didn’t fit that plan. We were not focused on what other people were doing or what other people thought we should do. Because we were so confident in our plan. So that was the first piece of advice of what I told this number and an exercise I gave her is to explore where she wants to be with her finances. Because if you’re not clear on where you want to be with your finances, then you are more easily swayed by what other people want you to do. So get very clear on what you want for your finances. It’s your life. It’s your money. You’re the one who has to live with it not your mom or your dad or your brother or whoever get really clear on what you want for your finances. I also gave her an exercise to build her belief that she’s on the right track with what she’s doing. So I told her to explore the question How am I already on the right track to get to where I want to be? Because if you’re clear on what you want to accomplish, and you’re clear that what you’re doing is leading you to what you want to accomplish. It doesn’t matter what somebody else thinks about it. So you know why you’re not using whatever strategy they want you to use because you’re very clear on your strategy and your plan. The second thing I told her is that she can set boundaries with her mom. At the end of the day. If your mom or your sister or your friend or whoever is not someone that you’re sharing your finances with. You don’t have to discuss your finances with them. You can just say I’m not gonna talk about this with you and I realized that that can feel uncomfortable like you’re basically telling your loved one at my business. But it also feels uncomfortable to be getting these questions and feeling like you have to defend your decision and your ability to manage your own money. setting boundaries is essential, especially when it’s a situation where it’s causing you to doubt what you’re doing and you’re second guessing yourself because somebody is in your ear telling you that you should be doing something else. You can set boundaries and just be like, I’m not going to talk about this right? You can do it in a loving way. Obviously, I’m not saying tell them to kick rocks or you know, whatever. But you can say something like I really appreciate your concern. I really appreciate your advice, but I’ve got this. I don’t want to discuss this with you. Thank you so much. The final thing I told her is that it’s helpful to surround yourself with people who get it who are on the same path who can help to build you up and strengthen your confidence in what you’re doing. So for her, she’s a member of Money Mastery. So she’s got me to help her. She’s got other lawyers who are doing the same work on their finances, maybe even go to the same kinds of things. So I told her like, lean into the community, share what you’re doing so we can support you. That support is so important, especially when you’ve got people who are doubting what you’re doing, or they’re telling you what they think you should be doing. Like having a community where you can talk about these things you can get that support is invaluable and it will help you stay on track with the plan you set out for yourself. So those are the tips that I have for you. If you are in a situation like this. Remember, where you’ve got a loved one who’s questioning what you’re doing with your finances or who thinks you should be doing something else. You don’t have to give into what other people want you to do. Ultimately it’s your life. It’s your money and when you get really confident and clear on your goals and your plan to achieve them. You set boundaries you stop allowing people to sow those seeds of doubt. And you surround yourself with other people who are doing the same kinds of things who are helping you build your confidence in your plan and helping you stay on track with what you want to do. You’re going to go a lot further and feel a lot better as you do it. And if you want support as you improve your finances come join us and Money Mastery. You will get that guidance on how to craft your plan for your finances and the accountability and support to help you stick with it. So can be a part of our community just head to rho thomas.com/join And I look forward to seeing you inside. Alright, that is it for this week’s episode. If you haven’t done so already, please leave a rating and review for the show. Those ratings those reviews show that this podcast is valuable and it helps to get pushed out to more lawyers who need this information. So I really appreciate your help. As we close out friend, I pray that you take the information you learn here, apply it in your life and open up to the realization that wealth is available to you. As you do that consistently. Week after week. You will continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve. Talk to you later.