Are You Living Life By Default?

We often fall into the slump of living life without intention. Just going through the motions doing what’s expected or what’s socially acceptable.

But what if you stopped living your life by default? How do you even do that? Today’s episode dives into just that.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics we explore

• what it means to live life by default
• why so many people live life by default
• how to turn things around and figure out what you want for your life

Resources mentioned

Lifestyle Freedom Starter Guide: https://www.rhothomas.com/start

Merriam-Webster definition of “default”: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/default

Essentialism by Greg McKeown:  https://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown/dp/0804137382

Wealthyesque, Episode 10:  https://www.rhothomas.com/the-lie-of-success 

Work with me

Schedule a one-hour strategy session at https://www.rhothomas.com/coaching

Connect with me

The Wealthyesque Community: https://www.rhothomas.com/community

Social media: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn

Email: hello@rhothomas.com

 

Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend. Welcome back to Wealthyesque.

I’m so excited that you’re here, as always, and I know that you’re busy and have so much going on, so I’m honored that you’re choosing to spend part of your day with me.

Before we get into today’s topic, I want to read a review that came in recently.

This one comes from Free Life Mama, and it says, “So much wisdom! [Five stars] Loved Rho’s tips on how to achieve financial freedom. And even if you’re not a lawyer, a lot of us know what it’s like to be busy and stretched way too thin. This show helps us in navigating all the things more effectively. Love this!”

Well, Free Life Mama, I am so happy that you are getting a lot from the show. It’s my goal to help you achieve financial independence and to reframe your mindset to take back control of your time, so I’m glad that I’m helping you.

If you haven’t already done so, please get like Free Life Mama and take a minute to leave a review for the podcast.

As I mentioned, reviews are important because they show the podcast platforms and potential listeners that this show is worth listening to.

Plus, I read all the reviews and love to see what you’re getting out of the show, so please take a minute and leave a review. I would really appreciate it.

So getting into today’s topic, we’re going to talk about living life by default. And what do I mean by that?

Many people go through life on autopilot. They live their lives based on what they’re supposed to do or what’s considered acceptable in society.

They live a life dictated by others without regard to what they really want. Some people live their whole lives this way.

I don’t want that for you, so we’re going to explore this topic a bit, and specifically, we’re going to talk about why people tend to live their lives by default and how to turn things around if that’s you.

So let’s jump in.

What does it mean to live life by default?

First I think it helps to get a definition of default. Merriam-Webster defines default as “a selection made usually automatically or without active consideration due to lack of a viable alternative.”

So you know when you get a new phone, and it has default settings? It’s the settings that are already on the phone unless you go in and change them.

And I think when we’re talking about living life by default, we’re living the way that we’re expected to live. That won’t change unless we actively try to change it.

And going back to the Merriam-Webster definition, it’s not so much that there is a lack of a viable alternative. It’s just that we haven’t taken the time to identify what that viable alternative is yet.

We’re going through life doing the things that society tells us to do because that’s just the way that it’s always been done right?

And we don’t question the things. We don’t look at whether the things that we are doing are the things that we actually want to do.

We go through just doing all the things that everyone else expects us to do and so some people will look up 30, 40 years down the line and have all of this regret for the things that they didn’t do or the things they wish they had done because they never really considered what they actually wanted.

Why do people live life by default?

The main reason we typically live life by default is fear. What if I fail? Who am I to do this thing? Who am I to go against the grain? What will people think?

I think we live the lives that we are willing to tolerate. The lives that we believe we deserve. And typically we think more about other people’s expectations than what we want for ourselves. We prioritize what other people expect from us over our own happiness.

If we’re talking about taking control of our time then we have to stop giving away all of our time to other people and what other people want.

I’ve talked before about the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown. One of my favorite quotes from him is, “If you don’t prioritize your life someone else will.”

That hits so hard because so many of us are not prioritizing our lives. We’re allowing everyone else to do it for us. We’re doing the things we’re supposed to do and living life on autopilot being busy doing all the things.

We don’t think about what we want. What is truly important to us. And so if we don’t prioritize what we want, if we don’t do the things that we want to do, if we don’t even know what the things are that we want to do, then everyone else is going to dictate how we live our lives.

We have to stop being so concerned about what others think. Easier said than done, I know.

Let me tell you, I had so much fear when I started this podcast. What will my colleagues think? Will anyone really want to listen to what I have to say?

But I kept feeling this tug, this desire to help solve a problem I see in the legal profession, and that desire was greater than my fear, so I did it anyway, and here we are.

Maybe the thing that you truly want is considered less prestigious or it’s not “successful” by society’s standards. And we talked a lot about success and the importance of defining success for yourself back in episode 10 so head back to that one if you need encouragement in that area.

But we have this fear of doing the thing because we’re afraid of what other people will think. We have a fear of the unknown, and so we just stay safe. We stay in our little box. We stay on the path that is ascribed to us by society.

And again, like I said before, you wake up 30 or 40 years from now and have regret for the things that you didn’t do.

I heard someone say recently that the wealthiest places on Earth are cemeteries because there are all kinds of hopes and dreams, amazing inventions, creations, ideas, businesses that were never developed, never realized because the people were afraid. They didn’t go after the thing they know they wanted to do.

What are the things that you want to be doing that you’re not doing because you’re afraid to step outside of the box? What is the life you’re not living because you don’t want other people to judge you?

Don’t be so busy with what everyone else expects of you that you can’t slow down and consider what you really want. I know that we are all busy.

Life is crazy, especially being lawyers and especially at this time. You have so many things on your plate. All of the billable hours and on top of that your non-billable investment time, time with your family, your kids, other extracurricular activities.

But many of us have had to slow down a lot during this pandemic and so think about whether you allow your schedule to go back to the way it was when we come out of this. Packed to the brim, running from this meeting to that event to get the kids and all of that.

Let’s not. Let’s be more intentional with our lives going forward.

How do you do that?

How to stop living life by default

This gets into how to live life by design. You have to get clear on what you want first. That’s your plan, your blueprint, your roadmap. If you don’t know where you’re going, how do you know when you get there?

A good way to help you get clear on what you want is journaling. My favorite exercise for this is creating a “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” list.

Make time to sit with your journal or just a sheet of paper. Write “wouldn’t it be nice if” on the top of the page and then set a timer for 10 minutes or so and write all the things that come to mind.

Don’t worry about how it’s going to work or if it sounds crazy. You just keep writing stream-of-consciousness whatever comes up until the time is up.

It can reveal some really interesting things. I heard this on another podcast, and I absolutely loved it.

Another way to do this is to sit and envision the life you want for yourself, and again set a timer for 10 minutes or so and just write down everything that comes to mind.

I find, though, that it’s tougher for me to just be in the flow of the stream-of-consciousness without editing when it’s a narrative, rather than a list like the “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” list.

But doing these types of journaling exercises is going to help you identify what you really want your life to look like.

And then when you have that vision for your life, it will also help you to identify what your values and your priorities are because you have this list of all of the things that you want in your ideal life, and so you can see the things that matter to you, the things that come up on that list and the things that don’t.

Then, you can set your goals and align with your values and priorities and the things on that list.

Another way to identify your values is to think about what brings you joy or what you’re going to regret not doing more of at the end of your life. With your priorities, it’s the things that are most important to you. The things you put above all else.

When you don’t have clear values and priorities, it’s a lot harder to figure out what you want to spend time on and what you want to be working toward.

Once you’ve got them clear, your goals are going to be driven by your values and your priorities and this vision you have for the life you want to be living. And you want to narrow your focus and take your goals one at a time.

Going back to the Essentialism book, it talks about the value of choosing one thing and focusing on it. The book talks about the benefit of putting your energy toward, for example, making 40% progress on one thing, as opposed to making 4% progress on 10 different things. So choose one of your goals and focus on it.

And when you’re making your goals, you want to make good, detailed, time-bound goals. General goals with no real detail or deadline are really just wishes. So rather than “I want to save more,” you could say, “I want to save $20,000 in the next year.”

I also believe in the power of writing your goals down and sharing them with someone else. People who write their goals down are more likely to follow through with them. Also, if you keep your goals to yourself, it’s easier to make excuses. Telling someone else will help you stay accountable.

The final thing is to take it one step at a time. You’re not going to go from 0 to your ideal life overnight. It’s going to be something that takes time because you’ve been living life by default for a long time.

I’m nowhere near my ideal life. I will be 100% honest there. But I’ve been doing the work to get to the life I want to live, and I want to bring you along on that journey, as well.

So take some time to figure out what really matters to you, what you really value, when you’re not worried about what everyone else thinks or the box that you’re supposed to be in or the things that you’re supposed to do and then when you know what you want you can set those goals that move you toward that life little by little.

A lot of people read personal development books or listen to inspirational podcasts or take courses or whatever else but never make any progress toward true change in themselves or their lives. The reason for that is because they don’t do the work to figure out what they want, so they don’t have a goal to work toward that they can apply all the tools they’ve learned to.

You will never see change in your life if you have a bunch of tools with no vision or plan for how to use them so you’ve got to get clear on what you actually want out of your life.

If you need help figuring that out, get a strategy session with me, and we can flesh it out. No need to suffer in silence. I’m here to help. Head to rhothomas.com/coaching.

Okay let’s recap.

1. Many people go through life living the way that’s expected of them with no direction or vision for what they truly want.

2. We live the lives we’re willing to tolerate.

3. If you don’t prioritize your time, someone else will.

4. Fear keeps many of us living lives dictated by others.

5. To live life by design, you have to get clear on what you want. Journaling exercises can help.

6. Once you’ve identified what you want, you can set goals to help you get to that life. It won’t happen overnight, but if you take it little by little, you’ll get there.

Okay, that’s it for this week’s episode. Come on over to our private Facebook community, The Wealthyesque Community, and let’s discuss.

Are you living life by default? Are you committed to turning that around? Let’s talk about it. Head to rhothomas.com/community.

If you liked what you heard, please take a minute and leave a written review for the podcast. As I mentioned earlier, reviews help others discover the podcast and will help us get this message out. I’d truly appreciate it.

Did you get value from what you heard today? If so, share with a friend or two who could also benefit from this message. If you share on social media, don’t forget to tag me: “iamrhothomas” on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

As we close out friend, I pray that you will take some time to consider whether the life you’re living is the one you truly want to be living.

I pray that you will take some time to identify your values and priorities and to set goals to get you to where you want to be.

And as always, I pray that you will continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve.

Talk to you later.